On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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