my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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