Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
