So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
