Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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