I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
