Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
