you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
