dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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