yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
