a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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