So drunk its hurt
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
