I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
