I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
