I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
