And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Did I show you my penis last night?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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