when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
