that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
