so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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