you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
