which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
