Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
