My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
