I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
