Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
