if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
