if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
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I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
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Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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