it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
