i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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