have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
