I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
