I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
