Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
