Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
