pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
