It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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