Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
