i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
