This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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