i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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