sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
