he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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