She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
