hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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