I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
