you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
