your parents love me but you hate me
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
