I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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