you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
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We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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