I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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