he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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