The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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