I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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