you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
