Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
