We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
