i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
