You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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