you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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