i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
