Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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