I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
