I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize