ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
