i permit you to call me
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
