Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
