Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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